So, I am taking a leap of faith, and I'm posting this in the clear, hoping it doesn't come back to bite me professionally. The reality is though, if my kith don't actually know what's going on, my kith can't help me.
I'm in a very bad head space right now. I'm in a job that I used to love (years ago) and now hate, and I do not use that word lightly. I do not trust the company I work for anymore, on multiple different levels. These things have combined to have a severe impact on my health, not just my mental health, but my physical health. This is turning into a pretty bad downward spiral, with the factors feeding each other.
I am glad that 2014 is over, it can die in a fire. It even gave me the parting present of being triggered at the last. That said, I will focus on the positive things I did get: our porch is finally complete and beautifully done; I had a fantastic 2 week vacation that included spending time with my brother, several old friends, 2 very wonderful people getting married, and Colonial Williamsburg which had not been visited by the suck fairy; my parents in excellent health; the 2 wonderful people relocating from TX to our town; purchasing and using kayaks; and well, my kith, who have helped me keep it together whether they know it or not.
What do I need right now though? Some support. I'm on the ledge and I need not to fall off said ledge. I will be calling my therapist tomorrow to restart talk therapy, but I need my friends to just reach out every once in a while and ask how I'm doing. If I say "good", or "fine", or "OK"; I'm lying. If I tell you why I'm good, or fine, or OK; I'm not lying. I don't need to be checked on every day, I just need to know that I'm not alone. That, and I need to post more, even if it's just to say "ain't dead yet".
- I ain't ded yet